Here is the real French you were never taught in school: body parts (and we don't mean tête or yeux), the ever-popular and long-sought bodily functions, various and sundry epithets for every occasion, and more. Of course, your teachers failed to give you the necessary tools of communication while stuffing the subjunctive imperfect down your throat. French argot (slang) is not just the dirty words (though have no fear, you'll find them here). It is an inmensely rich language with its own words for very ordinary things. Merde! is a survival guide for understanding everyday French as it is really spoken.